Poems writen during CW106

So I was taking a creative writing class last semester--introduction to poetry writing. The instructor was fantastic, kind and extremely humorous, the classmates were very young, talkative and apparently less bounded by social rules compared to engineering or science students. I was the only non-native English speaker, the only science student, the only Asian student and the only graduate student in the class, and I should've felt like an outsider in so many ways. Yet I only realized how intelligent, open-minded and friendly that English-major students are, and I felt fit right in there in that classroom. A room full of poets, where sensitivity is appreciated, messed-up-ness is common, cliches are ruthlessly condemned, and where I can safely express my darkest side while receiving compassion and reciprocation.

We wrote poems and then read and discuss each others poems. I shared some of my poems and got surprisingly positive feedback, along with kindly corrected grammar and  word spellings. So I decide to summon up my courage to put some of my poems here, while crossing my fingers wishing for my emotions and ideas to come through.

1.

Ideal Man

I go and save the world

You put away my dirty laundry

Scattering around the floor

I get depressed over the peace of the planet

You drag me into the sunshine

On a Caribbean boat

I go and break myself to pieces

You sew me up with clumsy stitches

We smoke and pray

We do drugs and yoga

We read my silly poems

that I scribbled down at the blood stained lines

of the old notebook in my battleship

You tell me how beautiful I smile

Over a pot of steaming Chinese tea

 2. 

Queen of Pain

Robe made of Self-Hatred

Throne made of Guilt

Jewelry made of Fear

Scepter made of desperately clinging to the unreachable

Crown made of viscous attack and judgment

I am the Queen of Self-Sabotaging

I am the Queen of Pain

3. 

4. 

Just friends

Perhaps love is lurking under

Frivolously oblivious

and

aged with emotions.

Shaped by denial

heated

attracted

complicated

entanglements

did not last through.

Label the uniqueness of ambiguous desire

black and white

When liberty refuses

a straightforward definition

5. 

Genomic Conversation

ATGCCTGACCCCTATA

we are the murmuring of 

a four-letter language

scarlet blood stream running through our veins

is the silent song of our creation

the rhythmic beating of our heart

is the cadence of the eternal whispering

God talks with our genome

6.

You better not

cry that loud

or pretend to cry

or place your pink chubby warmth

of a face

next to mine

and pout your lips

for a kiss

7. 

Adrifted

You are a sailor with wrecked ship

Drifted in the ocean with your tiny life raft
thousands of miles away from any land

Your life is completely empty
and open
as the ocean

it’s the first time you cry
because that is the state of your life.
 

from in front of the TV,
I said

That was my life too.

8. 

Center of the world

Of course everyone pays attention to you

              & examines you in the utter most

details

of your stubbornness strand of hair

              that collide with your eye glasses

of the slight crookedness of glasses

             on your nose

of the crooked glasses standing on your nose

             that cover your smudged eye liner

of the meant-to-be-delicate-turned-out-to-be

             clumsiness way of your disposition

of the clumsy disposition manifested from

             short and chubbiness of your legs

of the chubby legs walking around betraying

             your ungraceful upbringing

of your pimple

of your fat-line

of your un-matching dress

of your accent and awkward word choice

            and idiotic expression when you open your mouth

            when people start to talk about a movie/band you've

            never seen

            or heard of

or perhaps you never watched a movie

or knew what a movie is

or what a "LOL" is

or what a "ROFL" is

or what a "FOB" is

or who "Elvis Presley" is

or who "John Wayne" is

or how to dance

           like the little lady in that black dress waiving her ass

or how not to be so tense

          to laugh with your body shaking and arms swinging

or how not to be so anxious

or how to initiate a conversation

         that last for more than 3 lines

         which does not end up in hmmm and hmmm

or silence

or a spilt drink

or all the endless/nightmarish parties

in which everybody despises you

                            hates you

                            envies you

                            pushes you

which reminds you as that little girl

with horrible hair-cut by your mom to save money

with greasy hair not washed for days for lack of shower

with oversized jean from your aunt tied at waist with a rope

         yet sweeping on the floor

with too outdated of a dress from your grandma's friend

         at the fish market

with a 5-buck a pair of shoes that's hurting your heel and toe

without a bra to cover your newly developed

         breast and nipple

         as your mom said you don't need it yet

without proper dentist attention that your tooth

         are yellow and cracked

without one single toy from your parents your whole life

         to play with

of course you hated yourself

of course everyone judges you

       because you are the center of the world

       jewels of the universe

       but your parents told you

       that you are short, dark, selfish and ugly

and you are all by yourself.